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In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?"
*
"Wait a moment, " Socrates replied.*"Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test.* It's called the Test of Three."
*
"Test of Three?"* "That's correct ", Socrates continued.
*
"Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say.

The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No", the man replied, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right", said* Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's* true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"
*
"No, on the contrary..."* "So", Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about* him even though you're not certain it's true?"
*
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
*
Socrates continued, "You may still pass though because there is* a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"*** "No, not really..."
*
"Well", concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
*The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.
*
This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
*
It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife
 

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How to tell where the driver is from:

One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago
One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York
One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California.
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy
One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonald's bag out the window: Texas male
One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rattail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female
Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna, cousin/spouse in passenger seat: Arkansas
Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida.
 

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How to tell where the driver is from:

One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago
One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York
One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California.
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy
One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonald's bag out the window: Texas male
One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rattail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female
Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna, cousin/spouse in passenger seat: Arkansas
Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida.
That's pretty spot on
 

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Sadly, this is from my Defensive Driving course I had to take. LOL. 100% online thou, and its mildly funny and not as bland as the 80's Hulk Hogan cameo laced one I took way back when.
 

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In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?"
*
"Wait a moment, " Socrates replied.*"Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test.* It's called the Test of Three."
*
"Test of Three?"* "That's correct ", Socrates continued.
*
"Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say.

The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No", the man replied, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right", said* Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's* true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"
*
"No, on the contrary..."* "So", Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about* him even though you're not certain it's true?"
*
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
*
Socrates continued, "You may still pass though because there is* a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"*** "No, not really..."
*
"Well", concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
*The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.
*
This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
*
It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife
Well I disagree about the info being useful, if had known he could have kicked that f'n slut to the curb
 

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How do you tell if a chick is too fat to have sex with?
When she pulls her pants down, her ass is still in them

Why is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Why is Santa so jolly?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

How do you get a nun laid?
You dress her up as an alter boy

How does a woman scare her gynecologist?
By learning ventriloquism

Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?
Because his pecker is on his head

Why did the mafia cross the road?
If I told ya I'd have to kill ya

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use lube

A boy wrote to Santa and wanted a baby brother.
Santa responded "ok, bring me your mother"


Whats the highlight of an anorexic's birthday party?
When the cake jumps out of the girl

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his butt

Ok,Ok, Im done ...but I got more :Laughing:
 

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Try this one on your friend,

Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Him: Why?
Me: To get to the gay guy's house.

Me: Knock knock!
Him: Who's there?
Me: The Chicken! :grin
 

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A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.
*
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
*
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
 

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LITTLE JOHNNY IS BACK:

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.
 

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LITTLE JOHNNY IS BACK:

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.
:lol: That little Johnny never gets old.
 
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